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Saturday, November 23, 2013

525,600 minutes

It has really been a whole year.  I know it has been a while since I have posted, but I have been adjusting to this "new normal". As much as  I hate that term, I guess it truly does apply. In the last year I have become a lot of things.....a widow, a single mom, a parent of a special needs child, a student, a new friend, a confidante, a partier, a gym rat, a best friend, an ex-friend, a girlfriend, and  a serial first-dater.
     A year can make you realize a lot of things. I am both a lot stronger and a lot more fragile than I ever thought possible. I hold on to things a lot tighter than I ever did before, but also have a low tolerance for things that are not worth my time. I focus so much more on the things that will move my life forward, yet still cling to vestiges of my past life with Brian. I am happy I am doing as well as I am, always wishing I had someone to share my successes with.  I am trying out the whole dating thing,  but still walking around with a heavy heart.
     Being a walking conundrum isn't fun. My mind is constantly spinning while trying to point my kids in the right direction and follow the right directions myself. While I am currently following an awesome path, it is very easy to get off course without my anchor, my rock, my soulmate. I am, however, working on it.