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Saturday, December 7, 2013

Suck-cember

    I have renamed December Suck-cember. This month is just sooooo harsh on my emotions. His birthday, 13 months, Christmas, my birthday, New Years Eve, and New Years Day. That is way too many potentially problematic days to have to deal with in one month. Alone. I think that is what makes it exponentially worse.

Alone.

    The word just sounds depressing when you say it. Looks depressing when you type it. Feels depressing when you experience it. I was out last night having a cupcake for my cupcake's birthday and a little rhyme kept repeating itself in my head...."couples, couples everywhere and no someone for me".
     Not that being with someone is necessary to be happy, or would make December suck any less, but sometimes it is just nice to have someone to come home to, have a nice cup of hot chocolate with, snuggle and watch the kids play. Nice to have someone to go Christmas shopping with. Nice to have someone wish you a happy birthday. Nice to have someone congratulate you on completing your first semester back at school in 15 years. Nice to have someone to play Santa with. Nice to have someone to kiss at midnight on New Year's Eve.
     Suck-cember is fraught with remembrances, which is why I think it sucks so much. Remembrances for everyone, not just those of us who are grieving. How many times have you reconnected with an ex right around the holidays? How many times has one of your family members brought up specific memories while you are all enjoying dessert after a fun day of togetherness? How many times have you decorated for the holidays, remembering the story that goes behind each and every decoration or ornament? More often than not, these memories bring back warm fuzzy feeling of wistful longing, right? Well, multiply that longing by about a million and you get a sense of where a grieving person probably is this time of year. At least this grieving person.
    So, if you come in contact with me or any other grieving person this year, be gentle. Realize that while you may have moved on from the loss, we haven't.  At least not as much as you think we might have (we are REALLY good at faking it).  We might be a little grouchier than usual, a little more sensitive than usual, and a little more lonely than usual. If we have a significant day (like maybe a birthday, wink wink) try to make it bearable by including us.  If we invite you somewhere, it is not because we are trying to insert ourselves into your schedule, it is because we are trying to fill a really big hole in our heart with someone whose company we enjoy and makes our sad hearts smile for a moment.  Phone calls are awesome, cards are great, a lunch or dinner or even a cup of coffee is an  excellent way to show us that we matter and are an appreciated part of your very busy life. We know Suck-cember will pass, but for some of us, it doesn't pass soon enough.

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