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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Getting On With It

Getting on with it....this statement can have both positive and negative connotations.  I think the way I look at it depends on the mood I am in for the day.

Positive...I've woken up. I've taken a shower. I actually managed to get dressed and take on the day.  I realized today that yesterday was a year and a half since B was gone and it didn't really affect me in the way that I thought it would.  There was no ridiculous countdown clock blinking in my head like I thought there would be.  Things went on just as normal. Life (and I with it) were getting on with things.  School, homework, activities, dinner, family time, bed time. Same stuff, different day.

Negative...I don't want to get up.  I didn't sleep well.  Bad dreams.  Anxiety at a new high.  Im not showering today.  I'm not going to school today.  I heard today that someone told another one on my widda brothers/sisters that they should get on with it. Start dating.  Get past it.  When are people going to realize that there is not getting past it.  You might have gotten past it, but we haven't. Your life goes on, ours stops. Obliterated by a train that apparently destroyed our lives and kept right on trucking.

Getting on with it happens at different paces with different people.  For some it happens right away.  They find a new relationship, new meaning for life, new purpose.  For some, it takes a little longer.  They are wary of new relationships, finding instead different avenues to getting on like going back to school, or getting super involved with a new job, or kids, or fur kids, anything that absorbs the loneliness.  For the rest, they aren't quite there yet.  There isn't any getting on with it right now.  The grief is too rough, too raw, to dreadfully painful to even breathe, let alone get on with life.
Give it a minute.

You too, will get on with it.


  1. I think whenever we experience intense grief, like death of a spouse or death of a parent or death of a child, we can learn to "get on with it" but like you said, it will never be "normal" again and one might take one step forward, two steps back, or even a mile back, and people heal and grieve on different time lines. I think friends need to be supportive and not encourage getting on until someone is ready to get on with it.


  2. You're definitely right, Betty. Friends and family do need to be supportive in these cases. I think people mean well with encouragement, not realizing that sometimes it does more harm than good!