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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Half-life

     There are days when widowhood feels something like a half-life.  You're going along in your perfectly full life, with a whole family and a happy home and your cute little shared space, content and blissfully unaware of what it would be like if all of a sudden it wasn't there anymore.

And then is isn't.

You become a half.  The left over half.  The left behind half.  The half that will always be missing a piece and will never quite be whole again.  The half that now has all the responsibility of a whole, only with half the will to do it. Half the time to do it. Half the skill set to do it.

I'm  hoping that this half-life, like most other things with a half-life, will reduce into nothing.  My half-life will fade away, being replaced by a full life.  A life where I took the responsibility of raising two impressionable young boys all on my own and they turn out okay.  A life where I graduate from school and do everything with my newfound knowledge that I have ever wanted to do.  A life where I find the time to do everything I have to do and still have the time to do what I want to do.  A life where I find that other half that doesn't fit perfectly, but fits right enough that you can hardly see the cracks. Maybe not a full life, but most certainly a 9/10 life.

That would certainly be better than the half I'm living in right now.






4 comments:

  1. Seems like a reasonable goal to try to get to 9/10.

    betty

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    Replies
    1. I thought so. I just want people to realize that there is more grief than wandering around lost. Setting goals is important to the healing process!

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  2. I'm hope you reach your 10. Your writing is beautiful,
    Ida
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