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Sunday, April 13, 2014

Kids are okay...

     Kids. I always wanted them. Always wanted to me a mom.  I always wanted two, girls, boys, mix of the two, it didn't matter.  When B and I got together, I knew that he was the man that I wanted to be the father of my kids.  We had the same parenting ideals, wanted the same number of kids, wanted to start a family right away. He was such a gentle soul and an amazing father. My oldest got to have 10 amazing years with him, the youngest only 3. Every day I look at them and wonder what their lives are like now without a dad.

Does it bother them that he isn't here to teach them things?
Does it hurt them that they only have one parent and not two?
What are the things that dads teach their sons when their moms aren't around?
How will I teach them how to shave?
How will I teach them how to tie a tie?
How will I teach them how to be men?

Apparently, though, the kids are adjusting quite well. The oldest has peer groups at school.  Going to school dances. Playing baseball.  Doing extra curricular activities. Getting good grades. Going on overnight hiking and camping trips with his friends and fellow boy scouts.  Going rock climbing with friends from school.  Picking dates that he wants to go away to camp.  Smiling and laughing and only talking about his dad is positive remembering ways, not sad ones.  The little one is eagerly awaiting his summer vacation with his grandparents. Playing baseball in the yard with his big brother.  Learning how to read and write his name.  Getting excited to be able to play team sports for the first time.  Making friends at school.  Getting invited to birthday parties.

I've been told that kids are remarkably resilient.  I sure hope so.  If my kids can go through something like this and come out of it fairly unscathed, then I would say that it is the best kind of resilient in the WORLD.


  1. Kids are unbelievably resilient! My 3 boys are holding up. They have their moments, as to be expected, but I severely underestimated my children. I find solice in them.

    1. I find solace in mine too. In the beginning it was very difficult, but it is getting easier as time goes on.

  2. I've got a 3 yr old. It makes me feel good to hear that your boys are well adjusted. I'm praying for the same thing for mine.

    1. They are well adjusted, but this was a long time coming. The oldest is in therapy weekly and has attended grief groups. I try everything I can to make this as easy on them as possible!

  3. Since my dad died when I was 18 months old, I don't have memories of him, just memories my mom shared; like when he got home from working the night shift, he would change out of his work boots and I would bring his slippers to him; things like that.

    I felt different seeing kids with their dads and I felt uncomfortable around dads of my friends, not that there was anything wrong with them and their behavior towards me, but I didn't know how to act around a father figure.

    Father's Day was also hard too because our school didn't end until the middle of June and sure enough one of the last projects we did was make something for dads, but I didn't have a dad to share it with. I remember not liking to go to church on Father's Dad and pretty much happy when the whole day was over.

    But otherwise we had a "normal" childhood. I'm pretty sure my mom taught my brother how to tie a tie; not sure about shaving, maybe it was trial and error.


    1. Your unique perspective is so helpful! It gives me wonderful insight into what might be going on inside the heads of my boys...thanks!