Kids. I always wanted them. Always wanted to me a mom. I always wanted two, girls, boys, mix of the two, it didn't matter. When B and I got together, I knew that he was the man that I wanted to be the father of my kids. We had the same parenting ideals, wanted the same number of kids, wanted to start a family right away. He was such a gentle soul and an amazing father. My oldest got to have 10 amazing years with him, the youngest only 3. Every day I look at them and wonder what their lives are like now without a dad.
Does it bother them that he isn't here to teach them things?
Does it hurt them that they only have one parent and not two?
What are the things that dads teach their sons when their moms aren't around?
How will I teach them how to shave?
How will I teach them how to tie a tie?
How will I teach them how to be men?
Apparently, though, the kids are adjusting quite well. The oldest has peer groups at school. Going to school dances. Playing baseball. Doing extra curricular activities. Getting good grades. Going on overnight hiking and camping trips with his friends and fellow boy scouts. Going rock climbing with friends from school. Picking dates that he wants to go away to camp. Smiling and laughing and only talking about his dad is positive remembering ways, not sad ones. The little one is eagerly awaiting his summer vacation with his grandparents. Playing baseball in the yard with his big brother. Learning how to read and write his name. Getting excited to be able to play team sports for the first time. Making friends at school. Getting invited to birthday parties.
I've been told that kids are remarkably resilient. I sure hope so. If my kids can go through something like this and come out of it fairly unscathed, then I would say that it is the best kind of resilient in the WORLD.