Sometimes I wish that I would have taken more pictures or videotaped our wedding or walked around with a recorder permanently attached to my hand. Even better yet, wish I could invent a life remote that would allow me to rewind to the best parts with B and play them over and over again so that I would never have to forget. Then I think that it would be like a slow form of torture to live in the past like that. Remembering is okay. Going through old pictures is okay. Reminiscing with old friends and family over coffee is okay. Reliving and rehashing only the good times over and over is not okay. It leaves you a shell of yourself.
Sure, there are days when I cry and can't get out of bed. There are days when I wear his favorite sweatshirt and snuggle his pillow and look at his picture and wistfully think about all of the what ifs. These are the days when having all of those recorded remembrances would come in handy. These are the days when I know I would watch my wedding video over and over again...fixating on the look on his face when he first saw me, our first kiss as husband and wife, our first dance...all of this special fleeting moments that you take for granted until one day you realize that the rewind in your head is all you have to remember your loved one by.
So go ahead, rewind and remember. Record your loved ones. Take a million and one pictures. Record your feelings in a journal. Videotape those special moments.
Because, one day when you least expect it, those recorded memories are going to be all you ever have.